⭐️

My Dearest ⭐️,

Do you know how much of a relief it is to finally… finally get to use your name?

Well… In truth, I have used it before. Anywhere there's a ⭐️ in one of my letters, I wrote ⭐️.

The ⭐️'s are all gone now.

This might be my last letter to you, in this place. I know, I've said that before, and it's never proved to be true. Maybe it won't this time, either. But…

I am obscenely in love with you. And you've made clear that you have at least some amount of non-platonic love for me. This fact has become solidified in my mind: we love each other. We do.

But I'm not sure how I fit into your life.

I know how I want to. But I don't think we're in that same place, regardless of how strong your feelings for me might be. And that doesn't mean there's not a place for me. And that doesn't mean I'm giving up, far from it.

In fact, the main reason this may be my last letter to you is that I've realized that I've been living at least part of my life in a fantasy world for some time now, and I need to leave that fantasy world behind. Because, while I may not know what the path to you is… I know it does not lie within that world.

It's in this world. This one. The one I'm breathing in. The one I just dropped you off at your house in.

Part of me is a bit sad… I've learned to love writing to you, very nearly as much as I love you. I've been told I've gotten rather good at it… and I've finally started to believe it.

It's ok, though. I can dust this pen off again when I can actually deliver my letters to you.

But about how I fit in your life… If you were reading this, I would want you to know that I love you so, so much. And I just want to be in your life, however I might fit. And that might mean I'll have to make some compromises. I'm almost certain I will.

But love is compromise. Love is bending instead of breaking. Love, the sort of love I've come to have for you, envelopes the subject of that love only as much or as little as it is wanted.

I want to love all of you, and do. And I want all of your love.

But I'll accept whatever you wish to give.

I'll see you again soon, my love. I miss you already.

Love,
♒️